to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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