No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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