4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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