wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
