i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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