it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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