I think im going to throw up on grandma
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize