17 year olds will be the death of me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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