Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The air was thick with penises
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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