She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
