I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
