Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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