I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
