To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
