saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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