oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Im part way to drunk.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
