with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
