He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize