so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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