Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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