I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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