somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if i can run in heels then i can drive
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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