Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
