Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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