I love black thongs
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
