I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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