girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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