remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
