I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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