is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
