I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
