There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
