Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
