Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
