The maid of honor just puked.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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