I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
