My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
try to milk me bitch
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