Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
