Sponge bath it is.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
