Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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