he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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