the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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