he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
