I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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