Yo dont text me then not text me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
