they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
