either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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