I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
