Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
