She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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