I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
