I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
