my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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