Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
