I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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