would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
