Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
