btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
