Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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