There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
