Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
