I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
