Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
