At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
