nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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