I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
