Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize