I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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