in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
