i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
