I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
