the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Pants are for mortals
Someone signed my nipple.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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