Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
