my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
