he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
