I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
