please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize