I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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