32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
