is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
