RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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