So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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