my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Randomize