Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
