I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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