i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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