is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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