My first STD was from a foam party
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
