I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
