What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
