he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
