just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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