Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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