The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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